my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
