smell my finger.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
