im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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