1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
