I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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