hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
