A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
