he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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