I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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