You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
