her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
