He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
