he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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