There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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