i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
