I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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