there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
