census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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