Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
