if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
