ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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