bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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