so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize