I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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