i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's always time for handjobs
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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