Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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