oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
