please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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