he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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