that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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