I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
