I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
