The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
