Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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