DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
