I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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