I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
