just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
