I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
