Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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