Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
