I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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