so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
