I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
