dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
