while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
