I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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