What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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