babies were throwing up all over the place
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
