I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
