Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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