so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
