It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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