Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
