from now on my penis is your penis
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
