Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
