I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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