ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
