The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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