If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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