Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize