Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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