I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
