Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
