dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
