He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
