I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize