You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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