My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
