nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
