he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
