Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
