dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
