My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my being single is dangerous.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize