Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
