you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
