the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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