don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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