I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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