so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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