did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
