It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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