i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
