you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
