You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
