State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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