Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
