you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
