In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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