I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
