Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
