I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
