just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
