I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
