All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
