Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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